I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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