I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
