somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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