Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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