the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
