That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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