I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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