Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
whose parrot is this?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
