remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
