I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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