Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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