I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
