she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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