i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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