I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
