do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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