I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All the doctor said was why
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
