Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
