The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
