you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
