I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
