Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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