I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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