If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
