It's like God shit irony all over that family
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
