A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
