If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
