Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
