Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
