good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
