Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
