His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
