I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
