okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
