ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
