I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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