He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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