just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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