i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
