I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
