i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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