On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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