I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize