i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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