my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
