you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
