just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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