i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
