"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
