Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
