my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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