did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize