I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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