i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
