I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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