He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
try to milk me bitch
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