well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
