I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
