Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
