Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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