you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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