If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
