if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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