I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
