I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize