where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
