just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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