There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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