something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
