By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
